


rue

by 10vesick



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Car Accidents, Heavy Angst, I am so sorry, M/M, i was having an awful writer's block and hating everything i came up with but this...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 13:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17468540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10vesick/pseuds/10vesick
Summary: / rü /verb.to feel sorry about an event and wish it had not happened; regret.





	rue

Silence. 

There’s nothing but silence.

Ten had become disorientated before he even sustained the concussion that has him drifting in and out of consciousness. He's fleetingly aware of the coppery taste in his mouth. At times, his eyelids flutter, and he thinks he must be at home in bed, because everything around him is so dark, and he has Johnny's arms around him.

But why is there the sound of rain and metal? Why is he in so much pain?

It had happened so fast.

Ten can barely recall it all— his fingers pinching Johnny’s cheek, teasing him for saying something cheesy. Johnny turning his head to look at him, squinting his eyes and asking him to stop, but his lips still curving on that warmhearted smile Ten loves so much. Ten looking at the road before them, and his eyes widening, his mouth opening up to yell about the deer that appears out of nowhere. Johnny pulling at the steering wheel to avoid it.

And then, chaos.

The car had oversteered for a few meters, tumbling over and over into the street before coming to an absolute stop— upside down and at the side of the road. Ten’s body had collided against the car door and he’d screamed, bones and muscles and joints and organs all feeling like they were being smashed. His head had rocketed against the dashboard and the window, his arms flailing, searching for somewhere to hold and stop all the ways his body was going. The only sound that had filled his ears was the crushing of glass mixed with the distinct crackle of bones. The moment the car had stopped moving Ten had assumed he was dead. But unfortunately for him, he wasn’t. Not yet.

Silence.

It had scared Ten more than the pain itself.

Steam had started to arise from the back, the smell too intense for words. He hadn’t been able to move, and the first thing he remembers after the impact is Johnny, taking off his seat belt and wincing next to him as he fell against the roof, but still reaching out to help Ten.

It’s all a blur in his head.

He doesn’t know how, but they’re out now. The adrenaline inside the taller man must have had given him superpowers because, somehow, he’d pulled the both of them out of the car and now they’re a few meters away from it— holding onto each other, shaking and wincing and not letting go.

There’s an explosion, a ball of flame, and a fist of gray smoke behind them. But they don’t let go.

And when everything all finally seems to stop, when the only sound they hear is the water drops plunging against the street, Johnny asks. “W- Where’s your phone? We need to ask for help. Mine’s broken,” his voice is alarmingly calm, and Ten can tell he’s trying to collect himself for him. He’s trying to be the rational one.

Ten’s hand trembles as he reaches into his pocket, and tears pool around his eyes when he pulls the phone out and sees the cracked screen. He pushes a button, but the device doesn’t turn on. “We’re going to die,” he croaks out, and when he looks up at Johnny, tears start pouring down his face along with raindrops.

How could they not? Ten knows he won’t make it. He’s severely hurt, and even if they wanted to walk all the way back to the city to get help, Ten is sure his ankle is broken. He sucks in a breath and his lungs feel like caving in on themselves. Reaching out a hand to take Johnny’s, he’s so certain that he doesn’t have much time left, and the pain seems to increase by the minute.

But then he feels his boyfriend squeeze his hand, and his eyes meet the other’s.

Johnny looks at him composedly, and it’s worrying just how soothing his stare is. He shouldn’t be this calm. Johnny takes one of his hands to Ten’s cheeks and he wipes away the tears before speaking. “We’re not going to die. I know it hurts, but breathe, love. Someone’s going to help us. We just have to be strong.”

Ten doesn’t know why he’s saying that when it’s so clear that’s he’s not going to be okay. But he takes a deep breath and tries holding back his tears, and for a while it works.

Silence.

He holds onto his boyfriend and silence surrounds them again. Ten notices the blood dripping down the side of Johnny’s face, the clumsiness of his arms as he wraps him in a tight embrace. But the thing he notices the most is the silence. It’s deafening and unsettling, but just as Ten feels himself falling into despair, Johnny’s voice brings him back again.

“Do you remember the day we met?” he asks, trying to keep his voice steady in between the chaos that has just finished unraveling around them.

Ten has started to shiver, but he nods. He nods erratically, and his head hurts but he doesn’t care. He knows Johnny is trying to distract him, to keep him here until help arrives. He’s trying to make him focus on something so his mind doesn’t wander to other places. Ten’s grip tightens around Johnny, because he can feel himself losing strength, he can feel himself on the verge of letting go, and that’s the last thing he needs right now.

He needs to hold on. For Johnny.

“I… I was walking to class,” Ten reminisces, his voice breaking. He feels a knot tying on his throat but he continues speaking even if it comes out breathy. He has to. “It was my first day after transferring. I… I was lost in the halls. And then I noticed you from afar— you were so tall, how could I not?” he grinned for a second before his voice started shaking again. “So I decided to approach, to ask where my classroom was. But as I got closer you… you…”

“I punched you in the face,” Johnny laughs, his eyes looking for Ten’s. It hurts, to see him like this. It’s clear he’s going to die. But he has to convince the both of them that it’s going to be okay. Ten’s going to be okay. “I was telling Jaehyun some exciting story—I don’t remember what it was—but I was gesticulating so wildly I ended up decking you,” he squeezes Ten’s hand against his chest, and both share a nostalgic smile at the memory. “I’m still sorry about it.”

“S- Stop that. You’ve been apologizing for 5 years already,” the younger shakes his head, and his hand weakly cups at one of Johnny’s cheeks. They’ve been through so much together, dealt with so many things. They can definitely overcome this, too, he has to be hopeful. “All I had was a bloody nose.”

Johnny chuckles a little, embarrassed at the memory. He knows he didn’t cause a good first impression at the time. It was a miracle Ten had been so forgiving and kind… or perhaps just naïve. Regardless, he’s always been grateful for that. “I just can’t believe why you still asked _me_ for directions after that.”

“You insisted!” Ten nags, and for a second he forgets about the situation they’re in. “You… You took me to the infirmary, and then you showed me around.”

“It was the least I could do.”

Silence.

They fall silent for a second, and it’s almost as if the emptiness triggers something inside Ten because it all comes crashing back down on him. His neck hurts and he can’t turn around, but his eyes start to wander and he takes in the scene surrounding him. The turned over car, with the destroyed hood and the smashed windows. Pieces of the body had broken off when the car had rolled and flipped around. On the windshield, a visible crack where Johnny’s head had banged against it.

Ten’s heart aches again, but this time it’s not because of a physical injury.

He knows he’s going to die.

“You’re going to be okay,” Johnny’s voice calls him again, draws his boyfriend back to him. It’s almost as if he knows what Ten’s thinking about. “Breathe. You’re going to be okay, love."

“No, I’m not,” Ten cries softly, because if he lets himself wail then it’ll become real. His inevitable destiny. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“You’re not. You’re going to be okay. I promise. Stay awake with me.”

Ten would rather be unconscious than awake.

If he remains awake, he can taste the coppery blood on his mouth, grazing his teeth and soaking his tongue. He can feel the aching and cracks in his bones. He can feel his lungs caving in on themselves. He can see spots in the corners of his vision.

If he remains awake, he can’t think of anything but that these are his last few minutes with Johnny. His last time looking at his face. His last time hearing his voice. Ten can hear nothing but buzzing and Johnny’s voice calling him to stay here, stay with him. It seems like hours have passed since they got out the car. Where is the ambulance they need? Why is no one coming to help them?

“Calm down, don’t—don’t think about the pain,” Johnny reminds him. “Think about us. What did we do for our first date, love?”

Ten takes a minute to collect himself before he can answer. He doesn’t want to spend his last few minutes moping about what's coming. He wants to remember the good things with Johnny, spend his last few minutes remembering how much they loved each other from the start. “W-We went to an outdoor cinema,” he recalls, and he’s really trying so hard not to think about how much his heart hurts at the thought of tonight’s being their last date. “You thought it’d be a great idea to go to that The Exorcist projection. You thought I’d be scared and cling onto you…”

“And it ended up being the other way around,” Johnny finishes, and there’s that heartwarming smile again. Ten hates the idea of this being the last time he sees that smile. “I- I screamed into your ear and dug my nails into your arm the whole time. So much for saying I’d protect you.”

This finally earns him a smile from Ten. The younger smiles, but that doesn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. “You’ve always protected me. I wish I could repay you for that.”

Johnny brings Ten’s hand to his lips. “You do, every… every day. Just by being with me… After all these years.”

Five years of knowing each other. Four of having been dating. It’s a long time but, right now, they might as well have been minutes. Ten wants more time with Johnny. He needs it. He squeezes his eyes shut and starts sobbing, cursing out towards the sky to whatever higher power shortened his time with the love of his life.

“’M sorry,” Johnny says out of a sudden, and Ten takes a second to realize what he means. “I’m sorry this happened. I- It’s… my fault. This was supposed to be the  _prefect_ night,” he mispronounces, but notices and corrects himself. “Perfect. Perfect for us.”

They had been doing so well. They were happy. They were on their way home from a weekend out together. It _had_ been perfect, everything up until now. If it wasn’t for this accident, Ten would have called these the best few days of his life. But now Johnny’s blaming himself for something that hadn’t been on his hands, for something he couldn’t have known would happen.

Ten takes notice of the dark patches forming under Johnny’s eyes. He looks tired, and he’s struggling to keep his eyes open but he’s doing it for Ten. And the younger can’t help but feel guilty at this— at Johnny’s apology, at Johnny trying to be strong for him, at Johnny acting like he’s not scared.

Ten shakes his head and brushes the hair out of his boyfriend’s forehead with the slightest of touch. “It’s _not_ your fault. Don’t say that. Don’t feel bad for me. We’re going to be okay, right?”

He wants to hear him say that even if it’s not true. He wants to hear him say that so he knows he gets it. That even if Johnny had been paying attention to the road, the maneuver he’d made on the wheel wouldn’t have worked. It all happened in the blink of an eye. It all happened without any of them being able to do something about it.

Ten could blame the deer. He could blame the rain. He could blame himself for being the reason Johnny had been distracted from driving in the first place.

He could pin the blame on anything that crossed his mind—but never on Johnny.

Never on him.

Johnny talks again, and this time it’s more noticeable, the slurring of his words. “All this _team_ by your side,” he mispronounces again, but this time it’s almost as if he doesn’t catch on it. “And I messed it up tonight. I love you, Tennie. I love you like the _feerst_ day. Focus on that.”

Reality devours Ten in under a second. Just from hearing his boyfriend, he can feel all the blood on his body turn cold. He can feel his eyes stinging and his heart breaking and his hands shaking.

He’s dying, Ten knows that, he has felt it in his aching heart since the beginning.

Johnny’s dying.

And yet here he is, trying to make Ten feel better.

“I love you,” the younger whimpers, and he presses his lips to Johnny’s forehead. Then his cheeks. His nose. And finally, his lips. “I love you so much. _You_ focus on that.”

Johnny nods, and it’s only now that he lets himself break down. His breath comes out heavy and shaky, and his body falls over Ten, and the younger can feel his boyfriend shaking. He knows, too. He knows he’s dying.

It’s almost as if it physically pains him to speak, but Johnny furrows his brows and concentrates as much as he can before uttering a single word. Ten wishes he could stop.

“Pocket,” he manages out after a few tries. “Pocket. Take it.”

Ten doesn’t understand him at first, but then his boyfriend swings a hand over the side of his own jacket, as if asking him to look for something inside, so Ten digs his hand in.

And when his fingers sweep over a thin, cold metal halo, his breath stops.

“Johnny, _no._ ”

“I’m s- _soh_ … sorry,” the older slurs, and the dark blotches under his eyes seem to have darkened over the past few minutes. “S… sorry… I d- _dee_ \- didn’t… I’m sorry I didn’t a-ask… earlier. I was waiting for ‘ _ome_. Home.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Ten cries out, but he doesn’t mean it. His eyes sting from the tears, but it’s nothing compared to the pressure crushing over his heart right now. “Don’t do this now. Do it after we get help. Do it after we get out of this.”

Johnny shakes his head weakly. “Now,” he mumbles. “Married? Get with me?”

He’s not making sense, and Ten knows that’s not a good sign.

And yet, he nods.

“Of course, baby,” he weeps, and he pulls out the silver ring from Johnny’s pocket. Ten slides it on his finger and waves his hand in front of Johnny’s face. “Yes, you see? I said yes. Now you stay here with me. We have to get married.”

“We have to,” Johnny repeats, but his eyes start giving in. His weight falls completely over Ten but he doesn’t care— he’ll hold onto him until help arrives. It has to arrive soon.

“I love you,” Ten bursts into tears, and his lungs feel like collapsing and his head feels like it’s full of static, but he holds Johnny’s face up with both hands. “I love you, Johnny. Stay with me. We’re going to be okay. Say it. Say We’re going to be okay.”

“I l…lo… I love y-y… I love… you,” Johnny slurs out. “I’m s- so… ‘M sorry.”

Johnny places a hand over Ten’s, and he gives a soft, gentle squeeze as if trying to reassure him with this one gesture that he’s going to be okay. It looks as if he’s trying to smile at him again, but only one side of his lips obey and his eyes fall closed.

“Johnny,” Ten panics, and he tightens his grip on his boyfriend’s face. “Johnny, _please._ You said we’d be okay. You promised. _Please!_ Don’t leave me, _please._ We have to get married. I said yes. Johnny, baby, I said yes. Please don’t go. _Johnny_.”

But Johnny doesn’t answer. His full body weight collapses over Ten.

Silence.

Silence swallows both as a whole.

And the only thing to break it is the excruciating, piercing cry that comes out of Ten’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> it's my first time after a long time to try and write something angsty. i hope it turned out as i intended it to. [please share your feelings and opinions!](https://curiouscat.me/sunnyjohnny)


End file.
